Part 1 of a 2 part series
This is a guest post written by my friend Ana Verzone. Ana helps women to find their courage through worldwide adventuring. If I didn’t have my life, I would want hers!
Some people think they know what they want.
I admit that I thought I did for a long time until life smacked me upside the head with a few wake-up calls, as it usually does when we are fooling ourselves. But more on that later.
While many of us think we are clear about what would make us happy, as a coach, that hasn’t really been my experience.
In fact, I would say that the number one place people get stuck is in defining for themselves exactly what they want—what success for them means, what would help them be happy, and what they want their lives to look and feel like.
Often I hear, “I want to finally have freedom,” or “I want to be happy!” But that’s not enough. Fortunately or unfortunately, getting clear usually isn’t that simple.
We need to get clear about what freedom, happiness, or success look like for us—and, more importantly, what it FEELS like.
I’m talking nitty-gritty details. I’m talking feeling that freedom, or sexy, or love, or happiness deep in your cells. In fact, I’d venture to say that one of the main ways we get lost is that we don’t focus on how we want to feel, and we get distracted by the way we want life to look.
Knowing how we want our lives to look is important, but knowing how we want to feel is absolutely CRITICAL.
At first it’s common to think that if one can achieve success X, Y, or Z, or create the lifestyle Q, R and S, that all would be well and we could get on living a groovy, happy life.
Intellectually, most of us know this isn’t true. But we tend to secretly believe it. 😉
But if what you’re asking for doesn’t really bring you what you want, you may keep attaining your goals, or achieve success after success, and still never arrive at your definition of happiness.
Usually, this is because how we want life to look doesn’t jive with how we want to feel.
But when clarity arrives, and when your outside world is in alignment with your inside world—with how you want to feel—THAT is where the magic happens.
This is why I get really excited when people come to me wanting to work on clarity. When you don’t have clarity, you end up putting a lot of time, energy, and money into the wrong things. And life is too short for that!
But once you are aware that you need to get clear about defining your freedom, you’re well on your way to making it all happen. And when you achieve alignment, watch out, gorgeous—life is about to get technicolor on you!
In addition to allowing your definitions of freedom, happiness, and other good things in life to include vivid details of how you want to FEEL, here’s another essential thing I want you to know: your definitions are allowed to change and evolve with you.
We often get stuck when we are using older visions of what we want and what makes us happy. For example: maybe we thought we’d want to travel the world and live a location-independent lifestyle.
Then, when we find the perfect job or community and no longer have that lifestyle as a priority, we may end up beating ourselves up about not traveling the whole year.
But have we stopped to redefine what a life of freedom looks like for us NOW?
This is also the problem with focusing on how life looks instead of how we want to feel. We need to redefine our lives every time it requires a change on the outside, instead of simply making decisions based on the more constant part of our lives: how we want to feel.
In the above example, if we focused on how freedom FEELS to us, then no matter what life looks like on the outside, if we’re in alignment with feeling freedom, it’s all good! Drop the bat. No beating up necessary!
I recently went through a major re-define of what I want. You see, I grew up very poor and lived in the ghetto on the VERY wrong side of the tracks. I had this money and abundance block that is so common in many of us, especially if you grow up with very little.
As most of us in the entrepreneurial world know, that kind of scarcity mindset is death to running a financially successful business, let alone to taking epic vacations in stunning places 3-4 months a year. 😉 So I did a LOT of work on that.
Long story short: I ended up finally allowing financial abundance, beautiful and quality things, and fancy-pants goodies to flow into my life. I allowed my definition of success to not involve struggle and barely making it and the word “enough.” I allowed “more than enough.”
I flew business class, hung out in the super nice airport lounges during layovers on my yummy vacations, and bought a condo at the base of the ski mountain in Telluride. I had created FREEDOM (especially financial freedom) —at last!
But then a funny thing happened.
Once I had achieved those things, I realized my definition of freedom and success needed a remodel. I needed to get back to my roots, because the reality is, the more stuff you have and the longer your to-do list, the more you have to deal with—whether it’s with “ease” or not. Whatever and whomever you allow into your life, you have to care for it.
And that takes energy.
This goes for people, things, thoughts…all of it. And for me, all those to-dos didn’t feel so freedom-filled anymore.
That’s why I am focusing on adding simplicity back into my life, and the feelings that come with it: ease, contentment, flow, and relaxation!
I redefined my idea of freedom and allowed it to be about more than the ability to be, do or have anything I wanted—I allowed it to evolve into SIMPLE freedom.
I redefined abundance to allow things to flow into my life, but not crowd out what was most important to me— to become SIMPLE abundance.
I committed to radically simplifying my life over the next year and making it happen. Letting go of stuff, selling my condo, changing my business model…and more.
This happened with such ease (and courage!) because of the clarity I felt around how I wanted to feel in life—and specifically what freedom feels like for me.
I want you to have the clarity that helps you know what path to take next FOR YOU, whether that is in experimenting with a new herb to try and treat some of your family’s ailments at home, delving deeper into herbalism as a healing profession, starting to make your own products, or joining a tribe of fellow witches.
I also want you to have the courage and confidence to listen to your inner wisdom, your inner healer, your proverbial inner guru. Clarity helps you develop that courage…but that’s another blogpost.
If you want more help with Clarity and Courage, join me for my popular free 7-Day Clarity + Courage Course.
You’ll receive a gorgeous 40-page activity book, daily email prompts to help cultivate Clarity and Courage, a group forum, and live calls.
Can’t make it to the live sessions or missed the dates? No worries! The free home study version is always running, so sign up anyway and you can do it on your own time, receive recordings of the live calls, and hang out on our ongoing discussion and support forum.
Ana Verzone is a skilled Boredom Slayer, Thrive Maximizer, and Mindset Alchemist. As the original Freedom Junkie, she is devoted to helping passionate women create their own unconventional lives of freedom, adventure, and purpose on ALL levels —from their cells to their spirit.
When she’s not grooving her coaching practice, she’s staring at her 4-month old daughter or adventuring with her family in strange places that you can’t easily pronounce or find on a globe. Learn more about her via her website.
To read Part 2 of this series, where I dive into Courage, the way the Universe smacked me with a few wakeup calls, and more tips on doing what it takes to make it happen, head over to my blog here.